How long is too long and how short is too short during sex?

Once a person becomes sexually active, the race for good sex begins because it’s not just about having sex but how good it is, with monikers like weak strokes, weak erections and one-minute men being so popular, the pressure is on men to perform, not to mention the music, movies and books that speak about people spending all night having sex and going on countless rounds. The common question is how long should sex last?

Five minutes is just right

In 2005, one of the most well-known and comprehensive research was carried out across several countries. The result is that a typical sexual encounter lasted just under five and a half minutes.
In 2008, a study that consulted therapists who identify sexual disorders divided the findings into various categories based on the reported length of intercourse by their patients. The information further supported the notion that three to seven minutes were sufficient, while seven to thirteen minutes were regarded as exceptional. Satisfactory sexual intercourse for couples lasts from three to 13 minutes, contrary to popular fantasy about the need for hours of sexual activity, according to a survey of U.S. and Canadian sex therapists.

“A man’s or woman’s interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner’s relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society’s messages, formal and informal,” the researchers said. “Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. “

Less than three minutes is a red flag

According to the same study, durations of less than three minutes may cause clinical concern, while durations of more than 10 minutes were typically considered to be “too long.”

But, there are some problems with this study. Firstly, sex shouldn’t be about racing against a clock but pleasuring each other.

Secondly, they did not consider foreplay or other, forms of sexual interaction outside the penile and vaginal.Also, a 2020 study that concentrated on heterosexual women discovered that it typically took about thirteen and a half minutes to achieve orgasm duration that could have been considered “too lengthy” under the 2008 study’s standards.

For a sex to last long, you need to play with your partner and make them ready to be in the sexual mood as the same with you.

To make your partner enjoy the sex which can increase the duration of your sex time, intimacy with your partner must include PLAYful activities that people engage in beFORE sex, which is mostly called Foreplay. The best kind of foreplay puts the emphasis on “play,” setting aside intercourse as the goal. “If you are touching or seducing your partner and you’re thinking, ‘I’m just doing this so we can have sex,’ she’s going to feel that. It’s not going to be sexy, and can even shut her down.”And while it’s commonly accepted that foreplay should happen before intercourse,there’s actually lots of creative things to do in bed, and many have nothing to do with what many heterosexual couples consider “the main event” (meaning, penetrative sex).

“Foreplay happens in every moment of connection that occurs between you and your partner, from the moment you wake up,” says Casey Tanner, certified sex therapist , while they may not seem to be connected, helping your partner with laundry or offering to do the dishes may be the most helpful thing you can do to make way for intimacy,” she says. 

Paying your sexual partner sincere compliments will let her know how much you appreciate her, and that might make her feel sexier before your clothes even hit the floor. Martin John Cole ,a british sexologist, suggests “telling her how much you desire her,” and how beautiful she is. Knowing that you don’t just want to have sex, would make your partner feel loved and even boost the energy for your intimacy which sometimes is a turn-on for many women. The number one key to being excellent at foreplay is communication, Many partners assume that all women are turned on by touch, or direct sexual play, but not every women would list that as their first choice.

After a stressful day full of obligations to others getting intimate may be the furthest thing from her mind. Help her move into a different headspace with a *pressure-free* decompression session, massage your partner body to help them feel relaxed from their stress and which can be a big turn on too.

Kissing is classic for a reason. O’Reilly (Dr. Jess O’Reilly is a Toronto-based sexologist) a sex therapist recommends a simple yet intense makeout session. “Kiss with passion as you press your entire body against theirs. Allow yourself to really feel the full-body contact, paying attention to the pressure, textures, temperature, and contours of your bodies, Start at their collarbone and change your breath patterns to experiment with temperature. A wide-open mouth should create warm air, and pursed lips can create cool air, she says. “Work your way down around the sides of their breasts. Tease over their nipples and beneath their breasts.” S-l-o-o-o-w is the key here—unless she asks you to speed up, and take your time as you move down to between her legs, continuing to use breath kisses to draw awareness to every square inch of their body.”

All this above are tips for a good foreplay. Building an intimacy with your partner goes a long way before going into sex immediately. Sex with your partner isn’t what should be timed but to be enjoyed.

Sunday Abiodun is a lifestyle Blogger on AbujaBuzz and a tech savvy, an Undergraduate in the University, Kwara State. Sunday Abiodun loves to write and acquire more knowledge.

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